DOLLY SEN BIOG
Dolly Sen was born on 23rd October 1970 in London, where she still lives.
"I had my first psychotic experience aged 14 and stopped going to school. A series of dead end jobs followed. Pretty early on I decided I didn’t want any more of the 9-5 shit and spoon race, and began to write… and maybe watch 70s cop shows."
Dolly Sen is a writer, director, artist, film-maker, poet, performer, raconteur, playwright, mental health consultant, music-maker and public speaker. Since her much-acclaimed book ‘The World is Full of Laughter’ was published by Chipmunka in 2002, she has had 3 further books published, had a succession of performance roles around Europe and places like The Young Vic, Trafalgar Square and The Royal Festival Hall; did a poetry tour and won a poetry award from Andrew Motion; directed two plays and several films, appeared on TV, and has done spoken word at City Hall and Oxford University.
This is staggering since she dropped out of school at 14 and has no formal qualifications. She has also had to share her life with severe mental health problems. She was told she would never amount to anything but would end up in jail or Broadmoor and she believed this and was on her way there when she changed her belief into the one of believing she could do anything she wanted to do.
This proves that the mind is an amazing
thing; it can drive you mad and inspire you in the same breath. And that you
can do anything if you believe you can do it.
AN EXCERPT FROM MY MEMOIR 'THE WORLD IS FULL OF LAUGHTER
‘This book started as
a
possible suicide note and
ended up a celebration
of life.’
Dolly Sen
I’m self-hate surrounded by
mirrors.
Not the many glass ones I have shattered, ensuring I have no good luck for
the next thousand lifetimes. No, the mirror of the eyes that constantly watch
me. Mirrors with names, smiles, souls and lies.
“You’ve got your Daddy’s eyes and your Daddy’s lies.
Cut them out!” The voices tell me over and over again.
Can memories turn into psychosis? These are memories that touch me with the
insistence of a branding iron. Writing this memoir, I have to make sure that
it doesn’t turn into a suicide note.
My father was an actor and musician, so I grew up in the entertainment industry.
My father also thought of himself as a comedian, but you didn’t hear
much laughter in our home.
The first film I remember working in as an extra was ‘The Empire Strikes
Back’. The film set was the interior of a space station and there were
all kinds of monsters walking about. I didn’t know it was make-believe
– I thought it was a documentary. 20 years later my mind had left planet
Earth too.
“You’ve got your Daddy’s eyes and your Daddy’s lies.
Cut them out!”
I’m standing over my sleeping father with a knife in my hand. Because
he is a demonic alien plotting my destruction, he has to die; I am going to
bring down the knife down on his face. “Look who’s laughing now,”
I say. It doesn’t matter to me that I am heading for a special hospital
or eventual suicide. As a mental health professional said to me: “Dolly,
your next stop is Broadmoor.” It didn’t matter because I did what
I had to do to survive. Can’t people understand that?
As he sleeps, I watch him, waiting for the right moment to kill. Waiting.
Waiting. His awful body odour, the old food in his beard, the spit marks on
the floor, just makes me angrier and angrier. I raise the knife, ready to
plunge it into this fucking waste of a human being. Another set of eyes is
staring at me - from the wall. It is a picture of me as a child, smiling for
the camera. I try three times to stab my father’s skull, but a child
is watching, and I can’t do it. “I’m sorry for turning you
into a murderer,” I say to the photo. “I used to be a child once,
I used to be a little girl…
Click here to buy the book.